A South African’s Rehab Struggle with a Father-in-Law’s Gaze

Dear T, I always tell myself that the sunsets here in the East Rand have a different hue, a softness that I never took the time to appreciate when you were around. It’s fascinating how moments of beauty can surround you even when you’re in the middle of fighting your demons in a rehab center in Benoni. Yet, as I write to you, I’m becoming more aware of the many facets of my journey. Today, I want to share with you how the intensive psychotherapy sessions have been unlocking doors I once thought permanently sealed. In these rooms, so far from the bustle of Johannesburg and Boksburg, amidst others who understand the gnawing need for alcohol which once consumed my waking thoughts, I’ve found something unexpected – clarity. The therapy sessions feel like archaeological digs into my soul, unearthing ruins of past selves long forgotten. Memories, fears, all being sifted through with the fine brush of introspection. One revelation stands out painfully clear, a shard of glass unearthed from the debris: my insecurities around your father. You remember how he had to bail us out financially that one time, don’t you? I thought I had buried the shame of it, drowned it in liquor, but here it is now, laid bare before me. Our therapist here, Dr. Moyo, has a knack for gently probing into the tender parts of our history. It was in yesterday’s session that we delved into the incident. I had let alcohol become the formidable wall between my responsibilities and me. While I squandered our stability sip by sip, it was your father who stepped in to provide the support I should have given. I could see how my inaction put a strain not just on us, but the tacit trust between him and me. I remember the disappointment in his eyes, mirroring my own self-loathing. Dr. Moyo made me confront the feelings of inadequacy that moment instilled in me, making me see how much I’ve allowed it to define me and, inadvertently, how it fueled my addiction. It’s strange, isn’t it? How the web of our life can be untangled back to a few pivotal moments. The guilt of having your father bail us out became a self-fulfilling prophecy. I drank to forget my failures, thus ensuring I would fail again. Here, in the tranquility of a place dedicated to rehabilitation, where Kempton Park’s residents also seek refuge, I’ve found an essential part of my redemption. The psychotherapy is intense, sometimes exhausting, but always illuminating. There’s a tightrope walk between acknowledging my past and not letting it engulf me; it’s a balance that the therapists here are adept at guiding one through. I’m learning to hold my past with lighter hands, to see the hope of sobriety as something more tangible than ever before. I no longer want to carry the shame of inadequacy, of needing help, because in the irony of it all, it is by accepting help here that I am finally starting to heal. The refrain ‘alcohol addiction recovery‘ is not just a buzzword thrown around in the marketing material of this center, it’s a reality being manifested within me, step by painstaking step. In my next letter, T, I hope to speak to you about how I’m reknitting the tapestry of our memories – this time without the stains of regret shadowing every thread. Until then, I sit with the sunset, letting the colors remind me that even something ending can be beautiful. Always yours, Tony Embrace transformation in the serene surroundings of our Benoni rehab, a beacon of hope set apart from the vibrant energy of Johannesburg’s northern areas. Our center specializes in intensive psychotherapy that delves into personal history, offering clarity and promoting sobriety. Rediscover strength and tranquility with us. For a path towards resolution and clarity, reach out at [email protected], or call +27798378484 / +27828863996. Begin your journey to healing amidst the gentle sunsets of the East Rand.